Good manners

All subjects and fields that a person is aware of, must have been learned to gain knowledge of it. Likewise, good manners also must be learned to know them. Nobody is born as a scholar. Whatever we become afterwards is the result of our learning.

"And Allah has made you come out of/removed you from the womb of your mother, when you knew nothing ..." (S16: 78) « Et Allah fine tire ou depi dans ventre ou mama dans ene l’état ki ou pas ti conne narien … » (V78/S14)

Nowadays, good manners are not inculcated at home. There is no subject that teaches good manners at school. And in the street one learns swear words. Thus, how will one get good manners? This is more deserving of being studied as a subject. One must study it at two levels. As a first step, one learns the definition of good manners and bad manners. The second step involves the process of instilling good manners and getting rid of bad ones. The first step can be learned through books. But the second step requires the help and assistance of a person who is trained in the field. This is what is termed as a Sheikh or a spiritual guide. Without establishing a close bond with a Sheikh, not only is it difficult to instil good manners but it is practically impossible.

Question: How can one inculcate good manners?

Answer: Firstly, one must know the meaning of good and bad character to be able to get rid of what is bad and to develop what is good. As principle, a person must learn this with a Sheikh Kaamil (competent spiritual guide). It does not suffice to just read them in books and try to develop them. Developing good character and getting rid of the bad is not achieved overnight. At first, the person has to force himself to do it. Gradually, it will become easy and automatic. And finally, it becomes second nature. But one must persevere. With effort and practice, everything becomes easy. Let's say that a person has a bad temper. Thus, he must consider his anger. He must make effort to swallow his anger and control himself. With effort and perseverance, the frequency of his anger will diminish until he ceases to express it. In all these, it is the Sheikh who plays the major role. He will guide the person and advise him of the means to adopt. He will assist him in every step of his journey. The assistance of a Sheikh Kaamil facilitates the difficult stages that a person may encounter during his journey.

[Version française de "Bonne manière" – Al Jamiat – Vol.6 No.11]