Not a burden but rather a gift

"Among the major sins is to swear one’s parents. The Sahaabah (Radiyallahu Anhum) said: O the Rasul of Allah (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wasallam), can anyone swear his parents? Nabi (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wasallam) replied: Yes, when someone swears the father of someone, that person insults his father. Likewise, when he insults the mother of another, that person insults his mother." (Bukhari)

In this Hadith, we notice that Nabi (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wasallam) qualified the swearing of parents as a great sin. In some Hadith, من اكبر الكبائر (min akbaril kabaa'ir) is mentioned. That is, not only is it a major sin but it is also one of the greatest major sins. That is, swearing the parents is not only a Ghuna Kabeera but is the greatest sin among the major sins. To misbehave with someone is already bad, but if it is done with one's close ones, it will be more serious. And if this is done with someone who granted one many favours, then it will be even more serious.

This can give us an idea of ​​its seriousness if we behave in such a manner towards our parents because the amount that we owe our parents is beyond all. Even the anger of parents is more worthy than the friendship of a stranger. On the contrary, we can say that parents may become angry with their children but they will never be happy with their failure and difficulties. They will always do their best so that their children succeed whatever the situation be. On the other hand, a friend who may be chatting, laughing, joking and showing his sincerity to one, may sometimes feel a pinch in the heart if one is progressing. He may not digest one's achievement and success.

That is why Allah Ta'ala has commanded not to pronounce 'ouf' towards the parents:

"...then do not even tell them 'ouf' " (17:23)

This means that one does not even have the right to show irritation. Furthermore, if a person is not grateful to his parents, does one think that he can be grateful to anyone else? To such an extent that even if one's parents are not Muslims, one does not have the right to act badly towards them. It is true that one does not have the right to obey them in regards to matters concerning the Deen and the practice of Kufr and Gunah. But one will have to help them financially if they are in need and one will have to serve them. If a person has had the opportunity to wash the feet of his parents, he can say that Allah Ta'ala loves him and thus has granted him this fortune and honour. One may be an engineer, a doctor, a prime minister, a president or a king but one will always remain a child for one's parents who bathed one naked when one was small. They washed one when one was going to the toilet. One must act with humility and respect towards our parents irrespective of what one may be. It is not in vain that Allah Ta'ala said that Jannah lies under the feet of the mother. In another place, Nabi (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wasallam) said that the door of Jannah is our parents. Thus, it is up to us to preserve this door or to abandon it.

These are the reasons that prompted the Sahaabah-e-Kiraam (Radiyallaahu Anhum) to ask with astonishment: "Is it possible that someone insults / swears his parents?” It was something unthinkable and impossible for the Sahaabah-e-Kiraam (Radiyallaahu Anhum). For them, the gravity of the action is such that an Insaan cannot commit such an act. That is why they were asking if a person can swear his parents because according to them it is impossible that a person swear his parents. That is why according to them it was not necessary to consider this bad behaviour as a Kabeerah Gunnah for people to stop committing it. Nabi (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wasallam) drew their attention that making one's parents hear insults through someone else is also called swearing one's parents. But nowadays, it has been noticed that situation has changed. People no longer have love and respect for their parents. A boy can leave the house of his parents out of love for a girl. A girl also can also leave the house of her parents out of love for a boy. A person can break his relationship with his parents merely for the pleasure of his spouse or friends. When parents have become old, they consider them a burden to get rid of. Nowadays, the education that we are getting is europeanising our life at all levels so much that the harms/negativity that ensue, outweighs the little benefits that it provides. This is what will make us leave our parents in a retirement 'home' and make us keep a dog in our house. One can wash one's car 2-3 times a week along with its wheels filled with mud but maybe one will find it humiliating to cut the nails of one's parents or to comb their hair and keep them in cleanliness.

Every sin has a serious consequence but the consequence of behaving badly towards one's parents is seen in Dunya itself. It goes without saying that swearing one's parents is forbidden. But in addition to that, it is also forbidden to behave in such a bad manner that our parents get insulted. And it is this very thing that Nabi (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wasallam) called Gunah Kabeerah. In another place, Nabi (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wasallam) qualified it as 'the most serious of the most serious'. If one swears the parents of someone, he will also swear one's parents. Thus, swearing the parents of someone is the most serious among the most serious sin because it is a means to make one's parents hear insults / abuses. Thus, how much worse will it be when one will swear one's parents directly!

Thus, not only is it very grave to insult one's parents but it is also very grave to do things which will make them hear insults. By this Hadith, Nabi (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wasallam) reformed the whole society. A person will not want to commit a bad action in society for fear that his parents may hear swearing / insults. Thus, parents are a great gift and not a burden.

[Version française de "Pas fardeau mais ene cadeau" – Al Jamiat – Vol.6 No.11]