Romancing

When a girl receives a marriage proposal and both parties have consented, the boy starts coming to the house of the girl. This is called romancing. We are so used to hearing about romancing that we no longer feel any disgust for it although it is a Haraam practice. What is more grave, is that this Haraam act takes place in the house with the consent of the parents and the entire family. There is no doubt that romancing is a kind of Zina that is a very grave sin. Would you have imagined that such a time would come when a Muslim girl would commit the act of Zina in her own house with the consent of her parents who may have performed a dozen of Hajj and Umrah? And yet, this is what is taking place. And day by day, it is getting worse and worse.

The Ulama, who feel concerned about this scourge, have tried to minimise the harm and gravity by advising both parties to perform Nikaah when the matter has been finalised itself instead of making an engagement. Later, when both parties are ready, they may just have a family gathering to send the girl off to the house of the boy. However, Shaitaan also did not sit idle. He puts doubt in the minds of ignorant people that this is also not correct. So, we hear people saying that this is not permissible because according to them, once married, the couple should start living together immediately. Nonetheless, according to the Shari’ah, there is nothing that says that the couple should start living together immediately after marriage. Living together is the right of the husband and wife. It is up to them to decide when they will do it.

It is very strange that when they were romancing without performing Nikaah, no one considered this immoral act as Haraam. It seems as though it was permissible to romance without performing Nikaah. It is merely the act of Nikaah that has ruined everything. Is it not for this very reason that people say: “Stolen fruits taste sweetest.”

Nonetheless, as Muslims, we will continue to appreciating Halaal things although it seems to be tasteless. We must not approach Haraam even if it appears to be very attractive because a Muslim does not live for his pleasure. He lives for the pleasure of Allah Ta’ala.

So, if the situation is such that the boy and the girl do not want to understand, then their Nikaah should be performed so that they do not live in Haraam. It is absolutely permissible and correct according to the Shari’ah. On the contrary, it is a merit in an era which is filled with all kinds of social, moral and spiritual degradation.

[English version of "Fréquenter" – Al Jamiat – Vol.2 No.6]