The problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

The problem between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law exists almost everywhere. A mother-in-law can never take the place of a mother. Similarly, a daughter-in-law can never take the place of a daughter. This is because a mother-in-law cannot love her daughter-in-law just as she loves her daughter. And a daughter-in-law will not be able to love her mother-in-law just like she loves her mother. This is a matter of feeling. A person cannot force himself to love a person. Nonetheless, this does not prevent a mother-in-law or a daughter-in-law from living together in harmony and affection. Nor does this prevent each one from respecting the right of the next person. Living in harmony is acquired by respecting the right of each other. As long as the right of each one is not respected, tranquillity and peace is not possible.

A woman should know that her husband remains the son of her mother-in-law. And thus, he has some responsibilities towards his mother. She should not be angry when she sees her husband offering something to her mother or helping her. She must not feel offended. She must think that she also has a mother. If her sister-in-law is displeased with her brother when he helps her mother, she would not be pleased.

On the other hand, a mother-in-law must also understand that she has married off her son. So, her son has certain responsibilities towards his wife and children. She must let her son assume his responsibility. Similarly, she must give her daughter-in-law all the freedom to live with her husband. She must not spy on them and become a barrier between them. She must think that if her daughter had this problem, she would not be pleased.

Both of them must bear in mind that they will be accountable to Allah Ta’ala if they have offended the next person.

After all, a person must know how to maintain balance between love for his wife and his mother. He should not let one affect the other.

[English version of "Problème Belle-mère et Belle-fille" – Al Jamiat – Vol.2 No.5]